My So Called Life

The Single File Part III: You and Me

2008-11-27T18:47:00.000-08:00

I have wanted to write these down but I don’t know what seems to be holding me back from writing it. U see, I have always wanted to list down the traits that I am looking for in a man so that when he comes knocking, I would know that it is him. Pretty much from all my previous failed relationships, I know what I am looking for and what I don’t need.

1. Responsible
I cannot stress enough on how important this is. This is how u can judge his personal character. Any girl would feel safe with a guy she knows is responsible because he is the kind of guy u can rely on

2. Culinarily adventurous
I always say that I think with my stomach. When I am hungry I just can’t think properly. I like to eat and I like to try something new. It’s always nice if u goes out with someone and he could suggest we dine out somewhere I haven’t tried. It’s like an adventure and I do like to feel exhilarated

3. Funny
Chicks dig funny guys. Who doesn’t want to be with someone who can make them laugh and happy? But watch out. Make too many jokes and I am going to think u r not serious. There are times u can be funny, there are times u need to be serious

4. Can talk
What do I mean by can talk? Well, obviously someone who knows how to have conversation. I can be quite sometimes and I can be chatty sometimes. When I am quite, I need the guy to be able to start an interesting conversation and when I am chatty, that probably means I am in a good mood and I just want the guy to listen and respond accordingly

5. Treats me like a princess
This is a newly acquired trait I am looking for. Long gone are the days where I would make everything easy for the guy. Why shouldn’t I be treated like how I deserve to? I am not asking to be showered with materialistic stuff (although I wouldn’t say no to it), I just want to feel like I am getting all the love and attention I deserve. Think of it like an investment. If u treat me nice, I’ll treat u even nicer

6. Strong
Not strong as is physically, strong as in being able to handle me. I am opinionated and I can be stubborn sometimes. And I do like to win an argument. So what are u gonna do?

7. Emotionally matured
I have been in a relationship where the guy was not emotionally matured and let me tell u, it was torture and suffocating. I need my guy to be stable and leave all the emotional stuff to me ok?

8. Passion
There is something sexy about a guy who is passionate about the things that he loves. He could be passionate about his work, his life, his hobby, anything. You know this is the kind of guy who is not going to bore u. Although I have to say that I do feel slightly jealous about a guy who is passionate about cars. It’s like the guy gives more attention to cars than me. But as someone did point out to me, better a car than another woman. Point taken

9. Loves me any other way
Any talking breathing girl can relate to this. They would fear a guy only loves them for how they look on the outside but not who they are on the inside. Love me even if I am beautiful or not and most importantly accept my flaws for I am not perfect

10. A dash of romantic
I don’t know if I am asking too much by this but any relationship could use a dash of romanticism

These are the traits that I look for in a man. As for physical traits, I am not choosy. As long as the guy is not bad to look at and at least as tall as I am, I am ok. I have decided that the next time I get involved in a relationship, it would be for the last time which means he would be the guy I will get married to which means he has to be financially secure and stable. I am not in any hurry to throw myself into any relationship and I am going to select carefully. There is another trait that I look for in a man, the most important one. The one which trumps all the traits above. But I am not going to write it here. Nanti ada pulak yang perasan….

Things That Matter

2008-10-25T11:02:00.001-07:00

    My family’s Raya celebration was fantastic this year. Why? Because we get to celebrate it at our kampung obviously. All my siblings were there, I had fun with my nieces, my nephew and everybody else. When we first got there, there was no running water available. The funny thing is, this kind of thing happen almost every year when it is time for Raya celebrations. My aunt said it’s because there were not enough water when everyone balik kampung so they had to divert the water from our village to different areas. Don’t know if that’s true. But thankfully a lorry carrying tank water passed by so we managed to get our supply of water to do some cooking for break fasting and later that nite the water was back on running.

    This year is the first time I bought myself baju raya. I only managed to buy one(not counting my other baju raya which was given to me by my mother). Didn’t have enough time. Mayb next year I can shop a little earlier. It was also the first time I bought a baju melayu for my dad. Thankfully with a little help from the shopkeeper I managed to find the perfect size for my dad. This year was also the first time that the ketupat and nasi himpit that we cooked was not cooked properly(jadi keras!). I think the problem was nobody was giving them a stir. I didn’t have time to look after them as I was looking after the rendang and doing other things. I only had a couple bite of the rendang since I know I can’t eat too much of it.

    I have been late to work everyday this week. The traffic jam has been awful lately. Why is that? Especially near the Sg Besi toll. Is it because of the decrease of the oil prices or simply because they have moved the reload counter for touch n go? Beats me. And the traffic does not seem to subside even if I leave a little later to work. I have a feeling that I should leave for work earlier but currently I am having a hard time getting up a little earlier than 6.30 am. And I also can’t park at the area where I used to park. Those MBPJ officers seems to have a knack of giving out summonses for cars parked in that area so I had to park a little farther away.



    There are things that u know u shouldn’t do but u do it anyway. For example, I just bought a bag that costs RM172. Is it worth it? Yes cause I like it very much. Do I feel guilty about it?. Yeah…I do. But just to justify it, I told myself that it is the birthday present I bought for myself. And how do I justify spending RM97 at the MPH warehose sale? Simple. Remember early this year, one of my resolution was to read at least one book every month? Well, the books I bought count for all the books I didn’t buy for the past months so now they are cheap I just buy them at one go. OK, now I will try not to splurge so much in the coming months and perhaps I could save some more money. Perhaps…

In Celebration Mood....

2008-09-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

    The end of Ramadan is almost here. Surprisingly I have been able to wake up for sahur for most of the day. Usually it's hard for me to wake up because it interrupts with my sleeping pattern. Must have been because I had to get up early to get to work nowadays. By the way, I found that if I leave for work a little later, I can easily get to the office in 45 minutes instead of one hour. Don't know if it is because of puasa, everybody leaves for work early. It is possible. So maybe after raya, I will test out this theory. If it is not true, then I can leave for work a little later, anything to save my money and petrol hehe..

    My mom has been making kuih raya for sale so my siblings and I, we all helped by selling it at our offices. It's been received quite well. Everyone says it's delicious. Man advertised the kuih in the internet and surprisingly there was actually people wanting to buy them. We got orders from as far as Perlis, Miri and Labuan. There was actually people who wanted to reorder but we had to either decline to it or we'll make the kuih after raya. It's actually time and energy consuming to make the kuih and being the daughter who is staying at home, I do had to help a lot. Anything for my mother. At least she's got something to do at home now that she is retired. Next year we might be selling the kuih again so look out for it.

    Can't wait to balik kampung for raya. It will be fun. I heard from my mom that on the first day of raya, we will be having kenduri arwah for my late grandma. Don't know what we will be cooking though. Usually we will cook rendang ayam and daging, ketupat, lontong and kuah kacang. Bila masak rendang and ketupat, mesti masak kawah so usually I will be helping jaga api tu. This year I only made 1 baju raya. Usually I have at least two. I didn't have time to actually do some real shopping. I guess i will have to settle with just that. Have my duit raya ready also. I am lucky that I only have 2 nieces and 1 nephew and my cousins are all grown up so I will be saving some money by not having to give too much hehe...

Selamat Hari Raya and happy holidays everyone....

One Art

2008-08-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- Elizabeth Bishop

Is Your Life Complicated?

2008-08-21T20:19:00.000-07:00

    2 weeks ago my office was robbed. And last week somebody broke into my mom's car and took the money in her wallet. What has happened to this world? Am i really living in this dangerous world? Is Malaysia that unsafe? Why are there so many crooks running around? Is there enough cops out there? Everyday when i drove to work i pray that nothing is going to happen to me, like getting into an accident, or getting the car hijacked or even worse getting kidnapped and u could imagine what sort of disastrous tragedy can occur consequently.

    The politically correct people in the political world are at war trying to oust the other n u can't help but wonder,'Are they paid to bicker in the public or serve the ppl in the country?'. Honestly, i think politicians are idiots. The more u pay attention to them, the more they blabber about nonsense. Okay, mayb not all of them but most are. That is why i cannot marry a politician. Call me ignorant, because i am ignorant. Life is better served not having to think about things that don't matter.

    Starting from next month i am going to hav to watch over my spending as money seems to be depleting in my account like running water into the drain. I hav finally write down my financial planning so i can keep track of what i spend on. We will have to see in a few months if this is going to work n hopefully help me save more money. Of course it would take some restraints on my part, that is restraining from impulse buying or eating out(really?). Anyone care to take me out on a free lunch/dinner? Hehe...

Days Gone By....

2008-07-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

A lot happened in the last few weeks. I nearly caused myself to be terminated from my job trough my own mistake. Nearly ruined my own reputation too. Started driving to work. Surprisingly I am not that bad at driving. It’s all in the head u know. I realized that I can do it, it is not that scary. Costs me RM10 worth of petrol everyday just to get to work and back, not including the toll charges and if I am lucky, I wouldn’t get honked at by other motorists. Just had my car serviced too, costs me RM178(bloodyhell…why so expensive?). Looks like I’ll be using a lot of money too this month.

Soon it will be Aidilfitri. Mesti banyak duit nak kena pakai. Nasib baik la hari tu ada dapat duit rebat, ada la gak simpanan dalam bank sikit. I have been thinking about buying a book, Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I know I’m a little bit late in reading it but I know that if I bought it I probably wouldn't have the time to read it, but I think now would be a good time to buy the book. Been thinking about renovating my room. I plan to repaint it and remove some furnitures and maybe buy some new racks or boxes to stash my books and manga collection. So, I need to lay out some plans and take a few days of leave from work.

Finally I have been confirmed as a permanent staff at work(finally..took long enough). Got a bump in salary, only RM200(basically my friends in the office thinks it is way too little, the company’s a cheapskate anyway). Not sure if I still want to change job, probably not. I like working here because I have friends but not liking how things are run around the office. I like the work that I am doing, because I get to learn new things but I hate it when I don’t know how to solve it. Guess I will just have to see what happen in a few months…

The Mishaps Of My Driving

2008-06-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

    11th of June 2008 will forever be a memorable day for me. It is the day I got my car. It is a Viva, it is blue and I think it is nice. Pian was sweet enough to help me drive it home as I don’t know the way to get home from PJ. Ever since then I have been driving it to the Komuter and park it there to get to work. The farthest I have driven so far was to Jusco Cheras Selatan, my new hangout place to catch a movie.

    That was until today when I decided to drive it to the office in Plaza Sentral, on a Saturday as it is moving day for Century to PJ. The drive to there was fine as there wasn’t as much car and I didn’t even speed. After stopping by at the old office, went to the new office. Got a couple of car blared their horn at me as I was driving quite haphazardly I guess as I was not sure of the way and again I was driving slow(it’s a brand new car and I can’t speed, duh!)

    After checking out the new office, I decided to go to Jaja’s wedding reception (my cousin) at Menara Yayasan Tun Razak. Things started to go downhill from there. So I drove(according to my brother’s instructions) to Jalan Tun Razak, then Jalan Ampang then Jalan Bukit Bintang and before I know it I was at Jalan Pudu so I turn around and drove through Jalan Tun Razak, then Jalan Ampang then Jalan Bukit Bintang and I make a turn to Jalan P. Ramlee and guess what, I took a wrong turn. That is not where I was supposed to go. And then somehow I found myself lost in Jalan Sultan Ismail and I wanted to take a right turn to Jalan Ampang but found out that I can’t so I had to drive forward and I found myself back at Jalan Tun Razak. I gave up at that point. By that time, I had been driving for more than an hour I think.

    So I stopped in front of Istana Budaya and asked my brother to meet me up somewhere so I could follow his car. He agreed so he told me to wait near Jalan Bukit Bintang. So I parked near the sidewalk at Jalan Bukit Bintang when I got a call from my brother telling me to look across the street. There he is in the car, in front of this tall building, which happens to be called Menara Yayasan Tun Razak. What the crap??? I’ve drove through in front of that building three times already. So I checked the map on the invitation card and realized that I have been looking at the map but not at the address. It states so plainly that the building is on Jalan Bukit Bintang. Aaahhhh…!!!

    Getting lost is okay I guess but what happens later really brings me down. After the reception was over, Mak Su asked me to drive the car to the lobby to help bring the wedding presents to Mak Long’s house in Kerinchi. As I was driving up to the lobby, I scrathed my car, specifically my right front tyre and rim on this low sidewalk. Damn. It wouldn’t have happened if this lady security guard didn’t suddenly just jump in front of my car and tell me to reverse back and sort of cause me panic.

    At that point, I told myself that it was okay, just a little scratch although by that point I already felt down(later I found out that the scratch is a bit more than a little). So I drove to Mak Long’s house, and it rained and my mom nagged me on my driving skill. Got there as safely as I could although there was this accident (which does not involve me) of this motorcyclist who drove to close to a big lorry. Thank god nobody was driving quite fast or that guy would have been paste on the road.

Just stopped by for a while, I was feeling a little bit more down after that so I decided to go back home. When I tried to get out of the parking space, guess what, I scratched my car on another car. Before I scratched the other car, I saw that the car was already scratched at the front bumper on the driver’s side. There was this two guys who were talking nearby who heard my mishap and decided to help me. They were nice enough to help me to get out of my parking space and to just shush about it and not make a big deal about it(thank god it is not any of their car, cause I am sure they would be angry). Turns out that there were more scratches on my car than the other car. Darn it. I hope I can just get it sprayed with paint to cover the scratches. Gonna have to ask someone who is an expert to help me with that. Sigh….I just devalued my own car. I should have just stayed at home today.

It's All New....

2008-05-31T20:10:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks of working here at Century has been fun. I get to hang around with people my age and most importantly they are local people and not foreigners so I get to talk in Malay. Made some new friends, remembered some peoples' names but there is still some more people I don't know and I also don't recognize who are the bosses here.

I got close acquainted with Yan and Yat, especially Yan. We went to breakfasts and lunches together and places(KLCC, Masjid Jamek) and I found that we have a lot in common too. We had fun hanging out together and gossiping(hehe..). I think it's kinda hard to really find someone at the workplace whom you can really clicked. It's too bad that she chooses to resign and work with her former employee(PERNEC). I'm gonna miss having her around.

I found out that I still didn't get the salary increment when I check my bank account. So I know that I had to ask my manager(Ms Sothy) about it. But as usual I was afraid to ask about it. Yan and Yat had to pester me to do it and so finally I asked her about it on Friday lunch when most people are not in the office. It turns out that she kinda forgot about my offer letter and I can't get the increment until I get the offer letter. Sigh...It's been 2 months since my appraisal and I should have gotten that increment by now.

So I did bought a car last Sunday. Not a Kancil or a Kelisa(although I really want Kelisa). They're out of stock. I bought Viva 1.0 AT. Kak Ainna brought me to this Perodua dealership at PJ where her friend works. The car costs 44.2k and I got 1.5k discount. I didn't go for Myvi simply because they are slightly more expensive and lets face it, I don't really care what kind of car it is, as long as it is an auto transmission. So the bank called me and told me that I had to have a guarantor. Man doesn't have a payslip since he now works on his own, Ani flatly refuses to be my guarantor and luckily Lan agreed to be my guarantor without much hesitation. So i guess I'll be getting that car in a couple of weeks and lets hope I have enough money to pay for the downpayment when the time comes.

Today's men not like our fathers

2008-05-27T03:11:00.000-07:00

Today’s men not like our fathers
A Writer's Life
By DINA ZAMAN (taken from The Star newspaper)

On my flight back to Kuala Terengganu last week, I sat next to two young girls who were attending a company seminar. When they heard that I worked for a non-governmental organisation, they said: “Akak, please advise us, we have a problem.” One of the girls told me her predicament: her husband now uses condoms with her because he’s been sleeping around, and because he didn’t know where the girls have been and because he loves her, the wife, he’s protecting her. From disease.Wow. Is that love or what?

So I sat there and did an Oprah. When we separated at the airport, I thought to myself: I should have become a Syariah lawyer instead of a writer.Over the past one year, so many people I knew divorced or were in the act of getting a divorce. If it weren’t the husband catching hold of me at the magazine shop, to ask me to speak to his errant wife, it would be my women friends calling or meeting me to break the news.

Sometimes my readers email me and tell me things. It’s odd, but you never get used to the news of a divorce. To me, it’s heartbreaking to hear of a marriage failing beyond repair.The perennial question these women ask me, as well as their parents, my parents and aunts and uncles: what has happened to this generation of Malay men? “Why are they not like our fathers?”

My Auntie K’s answer to this was that there was too much MSG in all the food the men ate at the mamaks. My father chuffed up and said, of course no man could be like him; he (my father) was The Original Malay Man. And my mother and some of her friends wonder why, why, why.

If before divorce was due to infidelity, abuse or disenchantment, nowadays the war cry among young women is that their husbands are lazy, irresponsible and just want a flashy lifestyle.Since their wives are educated and working, duit rokok boleh la tibai kat bini (the wives can support them). And what even boggles the mind is that despite the lack of cash and employment, some of these men actually have girlfriends.

I don’t get it. What kind of woman would want to date a lazy sod? I certainly don’t.There’s the husband who beats up the wife to the point that her parents have to intervene, as he was starting to abuse his own child.What does the husband say to the in-laws? If they want him to stop and to divorce the wife, pay him RM1mil. The parents actually do, because they want to save their daughter’s and grandchild’s lives.

Then there’s the harried wife with children who’s been married for over eight years. Every morning, the suami tersayang goes to work in a suit.One day the ah longs appear at the doorstep and threaten her and the kids and she finds out the truth: the blinkin’ monkey never worked in his life, and had been borrowing money from the sharks. He also had a gambling habit and a “‘lifestyle'.

Then there’s the young cute husband who’s creative. He’s in “media”. Not only does he sleep and eat and live off his in-laws, later on, it is discovered that he bought his foreign degree from the Internet. Yes, he forged it for a few American bucks.Even stranger, the marriage was not consummated. Last I heard, “I’m still a virgin, Kak Dina.” Aiyoyo. (Why marry-lah if you’re not going to consummate it?) Oh yes, the husband said in a marriage, there’s no sex. Go figure.

He’s too lazy to pray. He doesn’t want to work. He wants to stay home and watch TV. He does not contribute to household expenses. Baru nak apply for tender dah ada GRO. He expects the wife to pay for everything. He expects the father-in-law to pay for everything.

I go to usrahs given by ulamas such as Ustaz Asri, Ustaz Kariman, Ustaz Arifin. You name it.Even at the usrahs, everyone is asking why divorce is so high and why the current generation of Malay boys are not responsible. Unlike their fathers. And fathers-in-law.

The funny thing is, when the wives give up trying to save their marriages and dive head-on for a divorce, these irresponsible boys suddenly rediscover religion and start behaving like pompous gits.At the court, one soon to be ex-husband tells the judge the wife is not a good Muslim. Sometimes she does not perform all her five daily prayers.The soon to be ex-wife then shoots back, if she’s not an isteri mithali what about him? His Friday night out with the boys and coming back reeking of beer and cheap women’s perfume?He then gets angry and tells her that he is STILL her husband, and he’s a Malay man, a Muslim one, so she better shut up. She tells him to go s***w himself and hopes he gets AIDS.The judge? Geleng kepala kot.

Just when I, Little Ms D, think it’d be nice to REMARRY, and then my mother can stop pestering me to marry the boyfriend, a story like this crops up and I run off. Marriage is for the brave. The quality of Malay men can’t have deteriorated that badly, no?

I see an old friend for tea. She looks like a walking aubergine. Brinjal to you. Her husband beats her up for the heck of it and to discipline her. I ask her, why did she marry him? She tells me: “Dina, I’m like you. Our fathers were diplomats. We had non-Malay boyfriends. But at the end of the day, semoden-moden kita ni, we think of God. So I married him because of bangsa dan ugama. I married a Malay man because I thought of akhirat.” She weeps and tells me: “Fat lot of good that did me.”

I don’t know why the new generation of Malay men are not like my father and his friends. They are practising Muslims, they’re successful, and they’re monogamous. They don’t beat up their wives. They brought their daughters up to rule the world.I’d marry someone like my dad and his friends, but that’s disgusting. Can you imagine having a son-in-law the same age as your dad?

So yes. Please. Someone, answer us. Why aren’t Malay men these days like our fathers?

Taking Chances...

2008-05-09T02:26:00.000-07:00

    This week has been surreal and an emotional roller coaster ride for me. First I was told on Monday that it was going to be my last day there at Mimos and I was to go back to my company the next day. Originally the transfer was supposed to be on the 15th but somehow it was fast forwarded. and what happened at my office the next day, well that is another story. I was sort of dreading the transfer and then this has to happen (no thanks to that guy whose name starts with S and ends with an A). So I had to finish up my work, although it is not completed as how I plan it to be and I did not even get to properly say good bye to everyone there. That night I felt sad and disappointed that this part of my life is over and I feel like I have to start over and it is scaring me.

    Next day was sort of chaotic at the office because since they were not expecting me this early. I don’t have a desk of my own to do my work because everywhere else is full. So I had to sit at other people’s table. At least I did get a laptop and a task to be done so I don’t just hang around and ‘menganga’. I also found out that the company is moving its office to PJ, section 19 to be exact. That sure is a shocker to me. I googled the map for the place just so that I can be sure where it is and I asked around how to get there by public transportation. So for me, I would have to board the Komuter of course, get off at KL Sentral then take the Putra and disembark at Asia Jaya station. From there I have there options. 1) take a bus to the place (which is called Dataran Three Two Square, weird name), 2) take a taxi(don’t know how much that will cost), and 3) walk (yes, walking, which was estimated it would take about 20-30 minutes).

    Let’s review the options. Taking a bus? God, I am so terrified of taking the bus. Whenever I think about having to take a bus, I would think about all this horrible things that could happen to me (hyperactive imagination) and I know bus services are so much slower and more unreliable than the Komuter and then there’s all the foreign people taking the bus (again, hyperactive imagination) and what if I had to work late? From what I found out, the bus service for after work only available to a certain time and having to wait for a bus at night? (again, hyperactive imagination here). Take a taxi? Well, it would probably be much easier and comfortable but I have a feeling it could cost a lot and again, what if I had to work late? I prefer not to take the taxi at night, it scares me (again, hyperactive imagination). Walking? Well, out of the three options, I would rather take this. Simply because it doesn’t cost me much and I don’t have to be in a crowded place where the people smells. But could I walk there for 30 minutes in my two inch shoes?

    There is another option, which is buying a car. Initially I wanted to buy a car next year, after calculating by that time I would have a substantial amount of money for the down payment. Now that circumstances have changed, I might have to change my plan. But I am having hesitations simply because right now my savings is pretty low and more importantly I am not sure if I am ready for that kind obligation. I know my expense per month is pretty high. Then, I have to consider about how much I have to spend for tolls and gas. That place is pretty far. Sigh…Undoubtedly, if I am going to buy a car, it would have to be an auto gear car. Can’t drive a manual. Sigh….That means the car is going to cost more. Sigh….The funny thing is I have already set a date with my sis in law n my brother to go see her friend who is a car dealer although I am still unsure if I am really going to buy this car. The car (if I am going to buy) is going to be a Kancil, no doubt, since I cannot afford the more expensive ones and I am afraid to drive a big car.

    But then again there is another option. I could rent a place near my office. Hmmmm…..Naaaahhhhhh! Not going to happen

Back To Normal

2008-04-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

It has been crazy for me the last 2 weeks. Last week during a team meeting at work, we were told that the eR&D(MFDS) project is to be scraped off. There has been problems with this project since the get go and apprently the rumour that has been going around is that this project was never even approved by KSU. Shocker. And this week I heard that 2 other projects under 3M, AIM and ePDP was also scraped off, because there was just too many bugs found during testing. Hmmm...is there a pattern here? Not sure but still, I have to finish doing my data migration because if one day they want to revive this project, the script for the migration will be ready. With the project scraped off, I have more time to finish the script for the migration and thank goodness...I have been dreading doing this task because of the initial time constraint.

This week was a slow week. Most of my project lead except for Kak Zu gone on Sharepoint training. I am not sure what everyone else is doing, probably just lazing around since they have got no new task given. I see some are doing work, don't know what it is. I think I had my first migraine too. It starts on Tuesday and went on until Thursday. I didn't want to go to the doctor because I know they will just give me some painkiller and overcharge me for it. So on Wednesday after work I went and buy myself a painkiller at the pharmacy. Got home, take one pill and went straight to sleep. Next morning at work I took a pill after shortly arriving. I don't know if the pill worked or not because the pain in my head comes and goes throughout the day. Thankfully by Friday most of the pain is gone. I did some reading on migraine and find out that it can be caused by hormonal changes in the body. That figures...it is almost that time of the month because I am pretty sure I am not stressing right now...

The guy sitting next to me is resigning in about a month. I have been thinking about changing job the last two weeks but after sleeping on it and thinking it over, I think I will stick it out for a while. I am learning a lot and I am just glad I was given this opportunity because if I am somewhere else I don't think it will be the same. Although there is a downside of being here, I will just have to brace it.

Last Sunday went to KTR's annual dinner. So naturally I went shopping(hehehe..). On Saturday I went to Plaza Campbell near Sogo with Azi initially just to accompany her for her make-up lessson with this make-up artist that she got acquainted but I end up taking the class together with her. Afterwards we went shopping, I bought a white skirt with black printed flowers and a pink blouse shirt with printed flowers at Kamdar. I wore that shirt to the dinner since the theme is Hawaiian. Then we went shopping at Sogo, I bought a pink handbag and two t-shirts. The next day I went out with Linda since we were planning to go to the dinner together. We went shopping at Bangi Utama and I end up buying a pair of shoes. I need those shoes for work. The one I have been wearing is falling apart. Overall I know that I spent a lot just on a weekend but it makes me feel good and it is exactly what I need after all that stress from work.

At the dinner, nothing much happened. Met the old juniors and the new ones and got to know some of their names. They have it at Puri Pujangga which is different from previous years. The food was great. I ate until I my belly's full. Wish there was dessert though, something chocolate and sweet perhaps. The performance during the formal session was surprisingly not what I was expecting. It was awful and obviously they were not fully prepared for it. And the prizes they give out for lucky draws and the awards, well it was, like crap, seriously. The karaoke's session was ok. I don't mind other people singing so out of tune and making a fool of themselves. That is great entertaiment.

All in all the last few weeks has been eventful. I feel like my life is getting back to normal again. Thank goodness...

Him

2008-04-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

Hari ni x semena2 Dia tiba2 buzz aku dlm YM. Ye, si Dia ialah ex bf yg dump me for no reason a long time ago. Last year we sort of got back together. Not as a couple, but as frens. We had loads of fun hanging out together, no denying that. Until one day it dawned on me that i might consider going out with him as just having fun, nothing more than that but he might consider us as REALLY going out as an item since we never really talk about our relationship. For a few weeks before i finally have the courage to ask him, it was agonizing for me to ask him the situation of our relationship bcoz i knew how he would react. Got some advice from haikal, he said better do it now bcoz no matter what i still hav to do it.

So one day, after he picked me up from work n we had dinner together, i asked him about our relationship. more specifically i asked him if he expects us to get married. i guess he was a little shocked hearing wat i said so i go on n explain everything to him. he took it well n asked me why i didnt say this earlier. i said i was worried about how he would react. right after he sent me home, i got an sms saying fom him, thanking me for everything n for being honest with him. after that i didn hear anything from him n i didnt even try to make contact with him becoz i figure he needs his space. this reaction is exactly how i expected. i thought we would nvr talk again but i guess we did depart on good terms. so as i said before, he just suddenly buzzed me on ym, we got a little talking, he asked me if i was angry at him, i said no. i asked him if he was angry at me, he asked for what n i said for watever reason there is. i guess we're good now but then again u dont know wat other people think. he might be up to smthg....

p/s: the part where i 'break-up' with him happened months ago. he is not considering to get back with me n so am i. i dont hav any feelings for him anymore n i know for a fact that he has a new girlfren. this is just to clarify the situation since somebody did ask about it...

I missed...

2008-03-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

having breakfast at Ayamas KL Sentral
~ makan nasi lemak with ayam or the roti bakar set with 3/4 boiled eggs. Delicious...

mandi kat sungai gabai with KTRians
~ those are the good old days, seronok main gelongsor kt air terjun....sweet memories. paling x bole lupa naik moto ngan Boboy pegi situ, sakit punggung lepas tu hahaha...

my high school frens
~ wish i could spend more time with them....before any of them got married

buat production with KTRians
~ x tau bole join lagi ke tak, rasa mcm dh tua. kalo bole join mayb nk try brlakon plak hehe...

my cat Musang
~ he went missing for a very, very long time n i thought he's a goner for sure. saw him again a few weeks back, he's fat. i wonder if he still remember me

my frens at the neighbourhood where our old house is
~ my memories of childhood are with them. i can still remember climbing trees with them, main masak2(haha..), main dalam parit n most of all just talking n gossiping...

going to a theater show
~ it has been a while since i went to one, can't remember what show i saw last...

and most of all my grandma...miss her much...

I Carry Your Heart With Me - EE Cummings

2008-02-19T20:52:00.000-08:00

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(Anywhere I go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me
is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate
(For you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world
(For beautiful you are my world,my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
(I carry it in my heart)

New Year Resolutions

2007-12-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

    Another year has gone by and the New Year is approaching. Of course, by this time of the year, people are either busy counting their bonuses or forming new resolutions. As the former is unlikely to happen to me, I have decided to give myself a head start with my new resolutions.

    Truth be told, I can't really remember what my resolutions are for this year. My bad, I've got bad memory, just not good at remembering things for long term (unless I write it down). But fortunately, there is one I remember. This resolution was formed while I was vacationing with my family at Langkawi last year. I had lot's of fun, that is why I decided that my new year resolution this year was to travel more, visit new places and be more adventurous. The only place I managed to travel to (besides Langkawi) were Penang and Port Dickson (pity!), the place that I frequently visited is the shopping malls in KL and as for the part about being more adventurous, I don't know about that. Most of the time I had to think twice about going out of the house T_T

    The year before that, I remembered that my resolution was to be more ladylike. Don't ask me where that idea came from. I must have felt I was not behaving appropriately (hahahahahahahaa!!!!!!). Anyway, up until now I am not sure if I have behave in a more ladylike manner than how I used to be but I know my dressing style has lean towards being more feminine since I am a career woman now (cewah!!).

    So here is my list of new resolutions for 2008. I am including both the above mentioned reaolutions of course. Let's just hope that I can achive at least half of them...
1. Travel more, visit new places and be more adventurous
2. Behave more ladylike ( I almost laugh when I write this, but I guess there is always room for improvement)
3. Write more blogs (inspired by Pian.. ^_^)
4. Spend more time with my friends and make it a habit to call them up once in a while
5. Remember other people's birthday and wish them too (don't count on the present, I might be broke)
6. Save enough money to buy a car by the end of next year, hopefully....
7. Take better care of myself
8. Be a lot happier and enjoy life
9. Be a better programmer
10. Read more books (comics and mangas does not count)

    I could list some more but I think I should keep the list realistic. It's not like I have superpowers. Anyway, I hope 2008 is going to be a better year than this year. So Happy New Year everyone....

The Single File (Part II)

2007-01-21T20:35:00.000-08:00

    OK. So I have been single for some time now. It's great actually. I don't understand why some women feel they always need to have a man (as in a bf) in their life. That include some of my friends too.

    I am not sure if Ia am feeling anti-men rite now. Maybe I am. Given my past experiences, I am not surprised. It's not that I don't believe in love anymore or in a relationship, I do but it's hard to put trust in the other gender called men. Good men are just hard to find anymore. Most of my girlfriends agree to this.

    The other day a friend of mine asked me what criteria in a man that I look for. It's sort of funny really coz I have never really give much thought about it. I mean I have a general idea of what I look for but not really specific. Maybe it's time I give it some real thoughts.

The Single File (Part I)

2006-06-22T20:27:00.000-07:00

    So it is official. I am finally single, again.....don't ask me why, he just suddenly wants to break up, without any reason at all. What a jackass. I don't understand why he couldn't tell me the reason. Any lame reason would be fine but no, he decided not to tell me amything at all. He doesn't even call, but gave me a sms saying he wants to break up. What a coward. At least have the decency to call. He doesn't even want to be friends with me, apparently he had taken himself out of my friends list in Friendster. Oh, pleaseeeeee, can't u be more mature?

    It's not that I didn't see this break up coming, I did, but I didn't think it would come this soon. And I still don't get why he wouldn't tell me the reason. Maybe he doesnt think I can handle it. Well excuse me, I am an adult, I can handle it and besides it's not like it's my first break up. Duh! But thank goodness I didn't cry my eyes out over this break up (which is weird because I know I am a cry baby). I can't even cry even if i want to, I can only manage a little sniffle (ha ha!).

    If he did give me a reason, I wouldn't be so angry, in fact I know I would have understand. But since he can't give me any reason, I guess he is just a coward who apparently does not care for my feelings.

    Now I am a little bitter (who wouldn't be). And this ranting is just to vent out my feelings. I don't want people to think that I am a guy hater or whatever. I just want to get this dissatisfied feeling out of me. And I am feeling a whole lot better now...

The Young, The Old and The Cycle of Life

2006-03-18T08:34:00.000-08:00

    For the last 2 weeks, I've been taking care of my grandfather. He was put into my family care because of work circumstances by my aunt whose been taking care of him ever since my grandmother passed away. Since I hang around the house a lot during daytime, so I was entrusted by my mother to take care of him.

    He basically takes care of himself. What I have to do is just make sure I feed him on time. He doesn't walk ever since he fell in the bathroom a few weeks back. According to the doctor he can walk; he can move his feet all right, he's just traumatised ever since that accident happened. So everytime he needs to go to the loo, he will drag himself across the floor all the way to the bathroom.

    The first night he was here, we put him in a room on the second floor that has an adjoining bathroom as a convenience for him. The very next day, he drag himself down the stairs and ever since then he's been in the living room lying on a mattress. Asked why he wants to stay downstairs, he said it will be easier for him to go to the bathroom which is ridiculous because the downstairs bathroom is right at the back of the house, through the kitchen. We've tried persuading him to go back upstairs of course but he doesn't want to. There is just no talking to an old man...

    Talking to him is another thing. He is almost deaf so every time we need to talk to him we have to scream close to him. Even that sometimes doesn't work. One thing he still do everyday is his prayers. He still does it 5 times a day but funnily not at the right time. He's 74 and still doing it although it's not necessary anymore. But of course he is a disciplined man. Even when he was healthy, he was a very disciplined man and it drives us (my family and the realatives) crazy with his nagging. But then again he is an old man.

    The worst happened this week when he got a stomachache and pooped himself in the mattress and everytime he went to the loo that day. I have to clean up the mess he made, changed the sheets, mopped the floor, cleaned the bathroom and wash the dirty laundry. Can you imagine what it is like? I don't think you can until you experience it yourself. Thank god I'm used to hard labour so I just imagined that I was cleaning my cat's feaces...

    I guess this is the cycle of life. The old takes care of the young then the young takes care of the old. In this case the young is me. I guess this could be the scenario I would be facing when I take care of my parents when they are old. Now, I wonder, when is my aunt coming to fetch him.....